Of Pants and Ice
by Chaos Silk
Summary: Promise me one thing... Murder me with your pants on." A series of Sephiroth/Reno ficlets. Some sexual situations, violence, swearing, and of course, shonen ai.
1. Pants

Disclaimer: I don't own, you don't sue.

AN: So I was randomly talking to Star this morning and I saw this quote on 8-bit theater and told her about it, she said she could see Reno saying it... and voila, this series of drabbles was born.

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Challenge: 'Just promise to murder me with your pants on.' from 8-bit theater and **AbeoUmbra**

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"Just promise me one thing..." Reno said breathless as he desperately pressed kisses to Sephiroth's neck as the General pinned him against the wall. The silver haired male grinned, hand cupping the redhead's crotch. "Murder me with your pants on..."

Sephiroth paused, the redhead's zipper halfway down as he stared at the green-eyed male in amusement. "Now why would you say a thing like that?" He asked, fingers teasing at the zipper, making the Turk arch up against him.

Reno smirked mysteriously, eyes half-closed as they gazed up at the taller male. "Just something I read." He said snickering and pulled the General down for another kiss.

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TBC

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Requests are apppreciated. They can be quotes, or situations you want to see.


	2. Ice

Disclaimer: I don't own, you don't sue.

AN: So I was randomly talking to Star this morning and I saw this quote on 8-bit theater and told her about it, she said she could see Reno saying it... and voila, this series of drabbles was born.

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Challenge: Someone says Ice with a Southern (USA) accent, (Ice sounds an awful lot like ass with that) from **AbeoUmbra**

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"I'm going out to get some Ice..." Reno called, voice echoing through the hotel room. Sephiroth looked up from the mission report, blinking.

"You're going to get some what?" He asked, raising an eyebrow at the redhead. It sounded like Reno has said 'I'm going out to get some ass'.

"Some ice." Reno said, staring the catlike green eyes of his lover. Sephiroth blinked and stretched like a cat, a big smirk appearing on his face.

"That's what I thought you said..." Sephiroth grinned and suddenly he was standing in front of Reno, kissing him soundly as he tugged him towards the bed.

"If you wanted some ass, you just had to ask baby." Sephiroth said, nuzzling Reno's throat.

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TBC

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I picture Reno with a southern accent. Why? Because I usually write him and **I** have a southern accent.

Liked it? Reviews would be loved. Requests will be written.


	3. Tseng

Disclaimer: I don't own, you don't sue.

AN: Aloha peoples, I apologize for lack of updates... and responses... I've been busy splitting my time between College and GaiaOnline...If anyone else is on Gaia, feel free to look me up... My sn on there is Chaos(underscore)silk.

Oh... and New pairings introduced this chapter: Rufus/Tseng and Zack/Random Cadet (snaps to anyone who figures out who it is, I would think it obvious.)

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Challenge: Seph and Tseng hanging out complaining about their Reno, Zack, Rufus, from **Corncob**

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"You know..." Sephiroth said, yawning sleepily as he settled down beside Reno, wrapping an arm around the redhead as he made himself comfortable on the bed. Reno hmmed, yawning as well as the General pulled the covers up around them. "I had a nice long talk with Tseng today."

Green eyes snapped open, glaring suspiciously over his shoulder at the tired General. "'Bout what?" Reno demanded, eyes narrowed as he flipped around to look his lover in the eye. Sephiroth smirked wearily,

"The usual things." He stated, dismissing the conversation in favor of sleep. Unfortunately for him, Reno wasn't about to let this drop. The redhead kicked him, glaring balefully.

"Which would be?" He demanded, cranky from lack of sleep and paranoid because his lover was talking to his superior. The fact that the pair had been best friends for years just wasn't registering in his sleep addled mind.

"Zack's crazy antics...Rufus's smelly feet... Your snoring." Sephiroth began to list lazily.

"I do not snore." Reno growled.

"The thing I found in the fridge last week, Dark Nation's shedding problem, Zack's repeated molestation of that poor cadet and finally our thoughts and theories on why the elevator mysteriously stopped working." Sephiroth continued, glaring at Reno at the mention of the elevator. Neither he, nor Tseng could prove it (the security tapes had mysteriously relocated themselves) but Reno and Rufus were the direct cause of said elevator breaking.

"Now can we please go to sleep?" Sephiroth asked, yawning again as he laid his head down and tightened his arms around his young lover. Reno yawned as well, eyes sliding closed as he placed his head on Sephiroth's chest. There was silence in the room for a few seconds.

"Hey Seph?" Sephiroth's eyes snapped open, glaring at the redhead on his chest.

"What?" He demanded, voice gruff.

"You and Tseng are really good friends aren't you." Reno stated, eyes still shut. Sephiroth smiled fondly at him, petting Reno's hair.

"Tseng is my best friend and second most important person in my life." Sephiroth kissed the top of Reno's head, leaving no doubt in the younger man's mind on who the first was.

"Now. Go. To. Sleep." Sephiroth growled, voice promising pain if he was awakened again. Reno smiled, snuggling deep into the blankets.

Five minutes later snores began to fill the air, making the silver-haired male wonder if he would ever get to sleep.

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TBC

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Sephiroth said he wanted to scare Reno and Reno said he wanted to sleep. Tseng wanted to be left out of it and so there you have it.

Liked it? Reviews would be loved. Requests will be written.


	4. Fridge

Disclaimer: I don't own, you don't sue.

AN: Wrote this before the last one actually, during class... Writing class actually, when I was supposed to be paying attention.

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Challenge: Sephiroth finds something in the fridge.

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"Reno..." Sephiroth stated, eye twitching as he stared into the refrigerator. Reno poked his head around the kitchen door, mentally debating on whether it was safe or not to come inside.

"What?" He asked, raising an eye in the General's direction. Sephiroth slowly turned to face him, eye still twitching,

"How long has..." Sephiroth's hand jabbed ferociously in the direction of the fridge. "**THAT** been in there?" He demanded, eyes glaring at the redhead as he walked into the kitchen and peered into the refrigerator, paling dramatically as he did so.

"Uh heh heh..." Reno coughed nervously, scratching at the back of his neck and looking guilty. "I think I hear my toothbrush calling." He said, zipping out of the kitchen before Sephiroth could catch him.

The entire left side of Sephiroth's face twitched. "RENO!!!"

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TBC

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	5. Plushie

Disclaimer: I don't own, you don't sue.

AN: Hee hee... I have such fun writing these.

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Challenge: Sephiroth dancing with a Reno plushie (Inspired by IM with Star.)

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"What... the... hell?" Reno stuttered out, staring at Sephiroth like he'd come from another world. Sephiroth stopped what he was doing, looking sheepish.

"..." He looked around, trying to find some way to explain this. Zack was in Mideel so it couldn't be blamed on him. He was at home, so it obviously wasn't work related.

"...I love you." He smiled charmingly at Reno, trying to will him to forget what he just saw. Reno blinked and then snickered.

"I bet you do..." He said before breaking out into full-out laughter, leaning weakly against the door as he pointed at the plushie in Sephiroth's hand. It looked exactly like him, or would have had he been in plushie form and the great and terrible General Sephiroth, whose name could make men tremble had been... dancing with it of all things.

Sephiroth glared at him and stomped off, muttering under his breath about how Reno was not going to be able to walk straight for a week. Reno watched him go, somewhat intrigued by the threat as he continued laughing and made note to remember this later for potential blackmail.

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TBC

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Thanks to all for reading and reviewing.

Liked it? Reviews would be loved. Requests will be written.


	6. Streaking

Disclaimer: I don't own, you don't sue.

AN: Apologies for the delay, I've been going through more than a few issues. This is a three-part drabble. Well sort of.

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Challenge: Reno streaking down a hallway from **postitnotes are for life.**

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Reno took a deep breath, closing his eyes as he steeled himself for what he was about to do. He raised his hands to clutch at the lapels of his coat, green eyes opening, determination shining in their emerald depths.

"Well here I go." He said to himself, nodding once as he shrugged his (Sephiroth's) borrowed trench-coat off onto the floor. A devilish grin appeared on his face as he took off running through the hallways of Shinra building.

Naked.

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TBC

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Liked it? Reviews would be loved. Requests will be written.


	7. Pouting

Disclaimer: I don't own, you don't sue.

AN: The second part... I swear this was only intended to be one drabble...

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Challenge: Sephiroth pouting from **Postitnotes are for life**

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"I still can't believe I missed it." Sephiroth said, bottom lip jutting out in what might've been called a pout if he had not been the mighty, macho General that he was. Reno sighed, rolling his eyes as he glanced over at his lover.

"You see me naked on a daily basis. Believe me, you did not miss anything you haven't already seen." Reno said, grabbing a handful of popcorn from the bowl. He debated on throwing it the silver-haired man, but decided not to because popcorn was a bitch to get out of the couch. Sephiroth sighed.

"Yes, but..." Sephiroth paused, waving a hand in the air as he struggled to get a grasp on what he was trying to say. "How many chances do you get to see your lover streak through Shinra?" He sighed. Reno smirked, raising an eyebrow.

"In your case... None." Reno snickered and then yelped as Sephiroth overturned the bowl of popcorn on his head.

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TBC

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Thanks to all for reading and reviewing.

Liked it? Reviews would be loved. Requests will be written.


	8. StripTease

Disclaimer: I don't own, you don't sue.

AN: The third part... and hopefully the best.

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Challenge: Reno doing a striptease from **Postitnotes are for life**

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"Heeeyyyyy Seeephy-kins". Reno drawled, peeking his head into the door of the bedroom.

"I thought I told you to stop calling me that." Sephiroth snarled, eyes snapping open as he raised his head off of the pillow to glare at his lover. He paused mid-glare, mouth hanging open.

Reno smirked at him, a big grin on his face as he sauntered into the room and gave a little twirl, allowing the General to see all sides of the outfit. The redhead was dressed in his normal everyday suit... Only everything was done up properly, his shirt was tucked in and neat, slacks pressed and buttoned. He was even wearing a tie.

"What's the special occasion?" Sephiroth asked, rubbing at his eyes to make sure he wasn't seeing an illusion. Maybe he was still asleep? Reno's grin grew even wider as he climbed onto the bed, shedding his jacket as he did so. He rose to his knees, one hand loosening his tie as he gazed at his lover with smoldering green eyes.

"You know how you were upset about not seeing me streak through Shinra." Reno said. Sephiroth swallowed, eyes glued to where Reno's fingers were skillfully undoing the buttons of his shirt, slowly unveiling the pale skin of his chest.

"Vaguely..." Sephiroth admitted when Reno paused in his actions, waiting for an answer. The redhead's grin grew wider, green eyes sparkling with lust and mischief.

"And you know how you have this kink about guys in suits?" Reno said as he undid the last button, allowing the shirt to gape open. The tie fell on his chest, contrasting sharply with his skin. Sephiroth swallowed again and licked his lips as he stared at the vision before him.

"Oh yeah." He said, vocabulary failing him when confronted with a half-clothed Reno in the room. He didn't have any words to describe how the redhead looked right now, it was almost obscene how unbelievably sexy the Turk looked with his uniform half-falling off.

"Well I decided to make it up to you." Reno said, hand trailing down his chest to play with the button of his fly, watching Sephiroth's eyes widen as he unbuttoned it and slooowwwly unzipped his pants.

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TBC ((Please don't kill me?))

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Thanks to all for reading and reviewing.

Liked it? Reviews would be loved. Requests will be written.


	9. Airvent

Disclaimer: I don't own, you don't sue.

AN: So... it's certainly been awhile, but there was a lack of requests, and when there's no requests for a drabble fic, I tend to place it in the back of my mind.

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Challenge: Vents (in reference to a roleplay I run as well as the humor story, Vents)

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Sephiroth stared at the ceiling blankly, twirling his pen around idly as he tried to think of a way to get out of finishing this damn mission report. Zack was gone, so he couldn't place the blame on him if it suddenly burst into flames/went missing/was thrown out the window. Cloud had been charged with escorting the troublesome officer, so using any of the excuses Cloud-related (i.e: someone spilt coffee on it/used it to whack an idiot upside the head/upturned my desk in search of said idiot and lost it) was out of the question as well.

That only left one person to pin the blame on, and Sephiroth hadn't seen hide nor hair of the redhead since he left their apartment with a huge grin on his face. He sighed, placing his pen down on his desk and rubbing his forehead, still glaring up at the ceiling, specifically at the ventilation shaft that Shinra was too cheap to cover up.

He blinked as the sound of metal groaning started to echo through his office, followed by several of the bolts that held the shaft in place plunking down on his desk. He blinked and suddenly there was an innocent looking redhead sitting on his desk, covered in dust and various other things Sephiroth didn't want to think about.

"Uh heh heh..." Reno chuckled nervously, hand raising up to scratch the back of his neck. He smiled, trying his best to look cute. "I love you?" He offered in exchange for breaking Sephiroth's ceiling. The General only smirked back.

Now he had a reason not to do his paperwork.

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TBC

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Thanks to all for reading and reviewing

Reviews will be loved, requests will be written.


	10. Here's your sign

Disclaimer: I don't own, you don't sue

AN: So... it's certainly been awhile, but there was a lack of requests, and when there's no requests for a drabble fic, I tend to place it in the back of my mind.

Warnings: see whichever chapter it was.

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Challenge: Bill Engvall's Here's Your Sign Christmas Song, Reno's Postit note shooting tennis ball machine from **PantherX**

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Sephiroth looked up as Reno strode into the boardroom, grinning wildly as he dragged a rather large piece of machinery behind him. The General sighed and shook his head, not even daring to think of what his lover was planning now; in fact, for the sake of what little sanity he possessed, he was now leaving the room before he could get caught up in whatever insanity the redhead had planned. Even if the meeting had been an important one, he doubted anyone could get anything done in the presence of Reno and his little friend.

He spent the rest of the day in the lounge on the floor above the boardroom, straining his ears to catch what sounded like singing, though he couldn't quite be sure, and snickering whenever one of the less intelligent employees (such as Palmer) ran by with a neon pink post-it note super-glued to his/her chest. This note proudly declared 'Here's your sign' in Reno's almost illegible handwriting and beneath that 'Warning: Idiot" was written in what appeared to be Rufus's handwriting, though why Rufus would... Never mind, Sephiroth knew exactly why the Vice President would aid his erstwhile lover.

Rufus was tired of placing warnings on every single part of the building due to the stupidity of some of the employees, such as 'Man-eating plant, do not touch', or 'Do not eat dangerous chemicals, or, Sephiroth's personal favorite, 'Warning: Homicidal Sociopath lurks behind this door, enter at own risk', which was the warning sign that had been placed on his office door. Some of the warnings Rufus had been forced to place were beyond stupidity, like 'don't stand behind or in front of doors' or 'Fire materia should not be shoved up your nose'. Sephiroth was all for abandoning the warnings all together and letting the idiots get hit with doors, eaten by plants, or die by their own stupidity.

It seemed that Reno and Rufus had come up with their own way of doing away with the warnings, after all, you would know to keep an eye on someone if their lack of intelligence was firmly pasted on their chest, if only for the amusement of seeing them die in a horribly entertaining fashion. For some people, this might be something to indicate that maybe they should help this person and make sure they don't hurt themselves, but for Sephiroth, this sign was only a guarantee for entertainment. Maybe he should get Zack one, only he would be sure to super-glue it to his skin; Zack didn't need any more reasons to take his clothes off.

He nearly spat out his drink when Zack ran by, bare-ass naked, yelling about evil pink signs declaring him retarded and that Reno, for being such a sexy man, was criminally insane.

Sephiroth didn't know whether to laugh, cry or get up and beat the hell out of Zack. He settled for throwing the nearest object, which just happened to be Rude, at his subordinate's head and laughing maniacally when the flailing Turk connected.

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TBC

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Thanks to all for reading and reviewing

Reviews will be loved, requests will be written.


	11. Legos, sweaters and violence

Disclaimer: I don't own, you don't sue

AN: Three drabbles for the price of one, I am awesome no?

Warnings: see whichever chapter it was.

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Challenge: lego men, violence, long woolen sweater from Cthulhu,

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All Sephiroth had wanted to do was grab his warmest sweater -the nice woolen one that reached nearly to his knees- from the bedroom and curl up on the couch with a good book.

Unfortunately for our beloved sociopath, his lover/housemate/general pain-in-the-rear-and-not-in-a-good-way had a different idea. The second he set foot in their bedroom, he had been attacked. No, not the good kind of attack, where he was assaulted by a nearly naked redhead and stripped of all clothing, but the bad kind of attack where Lego pieces and people were thrown at his head accompanied by cheerful laughter and shrieks of 'my army pwns your army' and similar remarks.

If he ever found out the name of the idiot who had been smart enough to give Reno a Lego set for that gift-giving holiday he had never cared enough about to learn the name of, he was going to subject them to torture beyond the comprehension of mere mortals.

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TBC

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Thanks to all for reading and reviewing

Reviews will be loved, requests will be written.


	12. Tea

Disclaimer: I don't own, you don't sue

AN: Blabbity blah. Something goes here.

Warnings: see whichever chapter it was.

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Challenge: cup of tea, hospital, revealing outfit from Cthulhu,

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There were times when Sephiroth really wished he had the time to sit with Tseng and drink a nice, calming cup of tea, enjoying the rare silence as they took a break from the hectic rush that was their lives. It seemed that every time either one of them got a spare moment, either something blew up or either Rufus or Reno (mostly Reno) had done something incredibly stupid.

The last time they had actually sat down and talked, a certain redheaded someone had fell down the stairs starting from the fortieth floor and ending at the eight and had to be immediately been rushed to the hospital. The time before that, that same redhead had 'accidentally' blown up something important in Hojo's lab and had cowered beneath their table the entire time they were talking. Though the most memorable interruption by far had been when Rufus had arrived in Tseng's office, clad only in lady's underwear. The look on Tseng's face had been so priceless. Sephiroth had snapped a picture and taken it home to share with Reno.

The redhead had laughed so hard, he ended up falling out of their bed and bruising his tailbone.

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TBC

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Thanks to all for reading and reviewing

Reviews will be loved, requests will be written.


	13. Zombies

Disclaimer: I don't own, you don't sue.

AN: Whoo, for my return to FF.N and updates.

Warnings: see whichever chapter it was.

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Challenge: Zombie Plan, because everyone needs one. [Prompt and situation taken from 'Letters from Shinra', specifically the emails bouncing back between Rufus and Reno. Ask for link to the forum site, registration is needed for viewing the roleplay.]

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It had started as a joke, as most of these things do.

Sephiroth hadn't known that that Reno would really request for one to be put in their apartment, and he certainly hadn't known that Rufus would actually approve it. However, he would admit that it had come in handy when, horror of horrors, zombies had actually invaded the building.

He really, really hated it when Reno was right.

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TBC

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What is 'it'? I don't know either, but from the way Reno talks/thinks about it, I think it's a flame-thrower.

Thanks to all for reading and reviewing

Reviews will be loved, requests will be written.


	14. MiniSkirt

Disclaimer: I don't own, you don't sue.

AN: Whoo, for my return to FF.N and updates.

Warnings: see whichever chapter it was.

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Challenge: Pink Leopard Print Miniskirt [Prompt and situation taken from 'Letters from Shinra', specifically the emails bouncing back between Reno and Tseng. Ask for link to the forum site, registration is needed for viewing the roleplay.]

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"..." Sephiroth stared at his lover, a blank look on his face as he gawked at the garment covering Reno's lower half. The redhead winked at him, swaying his hips from side to side as he stalked up to the taller male, smirking as he wrapped his arms around his neck.

"Don't you like it?" Reno asked, staring into Sephiroth's eyes with a rather smug look on his face. The General blinked, eyes tracing the hem of the almost-too-short-skirt followed by fingers deliberately teasing the skin under it as he felt the material.

He raised an eyebrow in question, noting the rather feminine color –dark pink- and print –leopard-, both of which he knew that the mischievous red head would never choose for himself. "Gift from Rufus. Said it would make me look... 'sexy'..." Reno explained, still smirking as he played with Sephiroth's hair. The other eyebrow raised to join its companion.

Sephiroth wasn't quite sure he was comfortable with Rufus using the word 'sexy' to describe his lover, but if it got Reno in a skirt, he was not going to complain.

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TBC

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Thanks to all for reading and reviewing

Reviews will be loved, requests will be written.


	15. Butt

Disclaimer: I don't own, you don't sue.

AN: la la la la la.

Warnings: see whichever chapter it was.

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Challenge: Something about Reno's cute butt. from :P

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As Sephiroth was walking past Reno's office, he stopped and peered in. Just to be sure his lover/housemate was behaving himself while he was at work, and not because Reno had a habit of abandoning his clothes while he was in the office. He blinked, almost dropping his paperwork at the sight that awaited him.

Reno, pants-less, was bent over his desk, his butt facing the doorway as he scrambled through his drawers, looking for something. It was just too tempting of a target to resist. Sephiroth stalked forward, not making a sound.

Seconds later found Reno flailing about as Sephiroth squeezed his buttocks once before darting away, laughing maniacally.

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TBC

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Thanks to all for reading and reviewing

Reviews will be loved, requests will be written.


	16. Coffee

Disclaimer: I don't own, you don't sue.

AN: *amused*

Warnings: see whichever chapter it was.

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Challenge: coffee and high strung nerves from :P

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Reno clutched the full coffee cup tightly to his chest, eyeing his surroundings nervously as he hurried to his office as fast as he could without spilling his precious drink. He let out a relieved sigh as he reached his office door and slowly pulled it open, one hand still cradling the coffee to him like one would a child. It was the very last cup of coffee to be found since Rufus had declared that they were switching to tea for a week, and he had been lucky enough to grab it.

Just as he opened the door, and thought he was home free, Sephiroth came jumping out of the woodwork, molested him and then stole his coffee. Reno was willing to admit that he didn't mind the molestation as much as he minded the theft. He needed caffeine to function, thank you very much.

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TBC

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Thanks to all for reading and reviewing

Reviews will be loved, requests will be written.


	17. Evil Kitten

Disclaimer: I don't own, you don't sue.

AN: For some reason, whenever I think of Seph/Reno apartment I picture the one from Silent Hill 4: The Room.

Warnings: see whichever chapter it was.

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Challenge: Zack bought Sephy an evil kitty From **Chibi WingZero**

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"What the hell is that?" Reno demanded, pointing at the furry ball of evil that had taken up the arm of the couch in the living room. Sephiroth glanced over nonchalantly, rustling the pages of his newspaper.

"It's a kitten." He stated simply as the furball jumped off the couch and landed near Reno's socked feet. The redhead stared down at it as it looked up at him with wide eyes.

"Why is it here, and does it have a name?" Reno demanded, cautiously poking it with his foot. It meowed, and bit him. He winced and tried to shake it loose, Sephiroth watching in amusement.

"Zack gave it to me, and his name is Vergil." Sephiroth said in a calm tone as Reno squeaked and tried to climb away from the angry kitty. It was entertaining to see the lanky redhead flail about, trying to escape from a ball of fur not even bigger than his foot.

After a few moments of silence, which ended with Reno on the bar counter, cowering in terror from the ferocious kitten. "Seph.... I think your kitten is eating my sock." Reno said nervously, peering over the edge of the counter onto the floor. Sephiroth shook the paper out again.

"I never liked that pair anyway."

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TBC

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Thanks to all for reading and reviewing

Reviews will be loved, requests will be written.


	18. Skirt

Disclaimer: I don't own, you don't sue.

AN: Domesticated Seph/Reno amuses me.

Warnings: see whichever chapter it was.

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Challenge: Someone (not Seph) molests Reno while Reno's wearing a skirt. From **Chibi WingZero**

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"Why are you in a skirt?" Tseng asked, staring at the redheaded Turk in disbelief. Reno smirked at him, playing with the end of his ponytail as he waited for the elevator doors to open.

"I wanted to see if Seph's uniform kink still works if I'm wearing the female version." He announced, smiling brightly as the doors whooshed open, one hand resting directly on his crotch to keep the skirt from flying up and showing his choice of underwear to the world. Tseng looked at him, a blank look on his face as they stepped into the elevator.

"That is more than I ever wanted to know about your sex life." He admitted, glaring at the now drooling janitor, who was staring at Reno's ass like it was a steak and he was a dog. He did not foresee this ending well at all.

"Keep your hands to yourself buddy!" Reno yelled, spinning around and kicking the janitor in the groin, hard. Tseng hid a snicker behind his hand at the man's confused look. Seems that from behind, Reno really did look like a girl.

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TBC

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Thanks to all for reading and reviewing

Reviews will be loved, requests will be written.


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